Jan 4, 2022
Jennifer Burns is a southern California mom who spent years being a people pleaser and suppressing trauma before she decided to take her life back into her own hands. Today she is a healing artist, creating beautiful works of art with resin and healing crystals. On this week’s episode, Jen shares her incredible healing journey and teaches us what healing crystals are and how they can be a very powerful tool in recovering from trauma.
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Transcript
Alyssa Scolari [00:00]:
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I'm your host, Alyssa Scolari. Happy to be here as always. We've got a guest episode today. I'm really looking forward to this. I feel like I said that all the time. I definitely need to stop saying this, but I'm really excited to learn about today's topic, which is we're talking all things like crystals and things like that.
Alyssa Scolari [00:49]:
So, this has been such a hype, using your crystals and manifesting and things like that. But I'm really curious about, what does that all mean? It can sound very, very woo, woo. And it definitely turns some people off because they don't believe in it, but I definitely think there is something there. So, today, we are talking about that and I cannot wait to learn more.
Alyssa Scolari [01:16]:
And we have with us a very special guest, Jen Burns, who is a Southern California mom, wife, healer, artist and a trauma survivor. She's in the process of finishing up a book about her life, which has been a life of abandonment and adoption, and abuse and of course and most importantly, healing. Living a life that was created from a sea of survival, and then one day, she ended up rebirthing into an artist and a healer.
Alyssa Scolari [01:49]:
And I have had the pleasure of having some conversations with Jen in the past, and she is awesome. So, I'm really, really excited to have her on the show today. So, that being said, hi, Jen, welcome to the podcast.
Jennifer Burns [02:04]:
Hi, thank you so much for having me.
Alyssa Scolari [02:08]:
Thank you for being here. Jen is a dear, dear, dear friend of the podcast. She is an amazing, incredible woman who I truly would not know if it weren't for the podcast. So, thank you Light After Trauma for introducing me to Jen and her amazing talents because you are one talented woman.
Jennifer Burns [02:33]:
Thank you.
Alyssa Scolari [02:37]:
So, before we get into your talents, I guess, can you share a little bit about your backstory? I know that you wanted... you were very intentional about your decision to come on the show. So, there's a reason for that. Would you mind talking about that?
Jennifer Burns [02:54]:
Oh, I would love to share a bit of my story. Just a regular mom, right? I have three beautiful children. I'm a wife and unfortunately suffered a really traumatizing childhood, just filled with a lot of abuse, abandonment, adoption. It's a huge, long, very complicated story. I do have a book that's going to be coming out, and it'll be very detailed.
Jennifer Burns [03:25]:
But I just was fine, right? I was becoming my young adult self in my twenties and didn't date a lot because of my abuse and stumbled upon, met this great guy. And there, my life started, right? But what I didn't anticipate is my pure survival mode that I was in at the time made me find a partner that led me down the road where I attached all of my thoughts, opinions, desires, everything on him.
Jennifer Burns [04:08]:
And I became exactly what he wanted me to be. I'm a chameleon and I do this in every aspect of my life actually. And I didn't know it though. You don't really even know you're doing it. And so, here I am flying along in my life and I have this great guy and we have the greatest relationship.
Jennifer Burns [04:31]:
And I used to pride myself on, "Oh, we've been together 20 years, and we've never had a single solitary fight. We've never had a single solitary argument." And everybody was looking at me like, "That's not normal." And I was like, "Yeah, but that's because I'm so amazing." Right? We're so amazing as a couple, and I'm so agreeable.
Jennifer Burns [04:52]:
Well, anyways, so flash forward, I'm a mother of three children now and I don't know exactly what happened except 42 years old. This is 10 years ago now. I woke up one day, and I was like, "Who is that? Who is that woman in the mirror?" I didn't recognize her. I didn't feel like her. I had literally lost the core of me, but I didn't even know it. Right? I just woke up and it was awful. It was a terrible feeling. I thought I was going to have a complete and utter nervous breakdown.
Jennifer Burns [05:30]:
And so, I started to dive in. And I had been so busy with the husband, so busy with my children. I mean, threw myself in. I was the doting wife. I was the over-the-top mom. I ran PTA. I mean, I was everywhere and I was everything for everyone, right, but nothing to myself, nothing. And I completely lost who I was. And it was almost as if my bucket was full and it was completely running over. And I didn't even want this to happen, but I literally was falling apart.
Jennifer Burns [06:11]:
And I was confused because I had always been in such control of my life. And I knew exactly what I was doing and how I was doing it. And I was happy, but I thought I was happy, right? It's just I was in that mode of, "I'm everything to everyone." And this is how I got through my childhood is being positive and showing everyone, "I'm fine. I'm fine." And I, I was not fine.
Jennifer Burns [06:38]:
And so, I believe that after all the years, your body and the universe and everything works together and you get to a point where it's like, "Nope, you've avoided yourself too long. And now, it's time, whether you want to do this or not."
Alyssa Scolari [06:56]:
Yep. Whether you're are ready or not, here we come.
Jennifer Burns [06:59]:
Yeah. So, I began working on me a little bit. And then, that was super uncomfortable. And I didn't even know what I liked, disliked, thought, nothing, except I was just sad and I was lonely. And I didn't even know I was losing my marriage. My marriage was falling apart because here I am, right, this perfect wife. And all of the sudden, I'm like, "I don't think I like you anymore. No and no." And it was terrible, literally.
Jennifer Burns [07:35]:
My kids were always fine because I could always fake it for them, right? This is 10 years in now. Now, my kids are 24, 21, 13. And now they can... and we're all empaths. And so, they're looking at me and they're going, "Mom, I know you're not okay because I can feel it. What is going on?"
Jennifer Burns [07:59]:
So then, I had to start sharing with my own children, right, here is this perfect mom who was just doing everything and portraying this beautiful image of positivity. And now, I feel like absolute shit. I feel like crap, and I'm falling apart. I had to get so vulnerable with my children.
Jennifer Burns [08:26]:
And that was awful because in my experience, your family are not necessarily the nicest people in your life. And I was so afraid of them not loving me if they really knew who the real me was, this broken woman, but really girl, right, that had never been fixed. I had never gone to therapy for anything. I happened to be involved with a man that was, I don't know, didn't really buy into all that. Of course, we pick, right, the opposite.
Jennifer Burns [09:03]:
And so, anyway, I've had to fight and fight and fight. Turns out now, my kids are my number one fans. They support me more than anyone on this earth. They have continually loved me. And it's a little bit of a role reversal, right? I can be sad and unsure. And they're the ones going, "Mom, you got this. You're good. You're okay." So, it's been huge.
Jennifer Burns [09:35]:
And only up until recently things with my marriage are significantly better as well. It took him a long time to come around though and really let go of what I had created. I did it. It's all my fault. I'm the one that created this perfect marriage. Right? So, here, he thought, we've been together 31 years, for 21 of them, this is his wife. And then, all of a sudden, I'm like, "Nope, never mind. Don't want to be that woman anymore."
Alyssa Scolari [10:08]:
Yeah. I mean, you speak too. There's so much that's in there, right? Even just starting with this concept of, and you use this word that I use very, very often, which is becoming a chameleon. I use that so often when it comes to either talking about my own trauma recovery, talking with my clients, because that often is what a trauma response is. We become a chronic people pleaser. And we take the shape of whatever that we take on the shape. We take on the likes, the beliefs of those around us.
Jennifer Burns [10:52]:
Yeah, because it keeps us safe. It keeps us safe. We know how to work a room. Right?
Alyssa Scolari [10:57]:
Exactly.
Jennifer Burns [10:57]:
We know, "Oh, I have to do this."
Alyssa Scolari [10:58]:
We are the best at it.
Jennifer Burns [11:00]:
We really are. But you don't even know you're doing it, really. It's so natural. It's so second nature.
Alyssa Scolari [11:06]:
It's a survival mechanism.
Jennifer Burns [11:08]:
It is. And then, I had to question, "Am I phony? Am I being fake and phony?" That's came up. And then, I realized, "No, no, no, that was a trauma response. I'm totally conditioned to survive like this." But now, I'm breaking it down. I never had a voice. I never thought that I could actually speak my mind. I saw other people doing it. And I thought, "Wow, how did they do that?"
Jennifer Burns [11:38]:
I'm so afraid of hurting someone's feelings, or my opinion was never good at all. I wasn't even allowed to speak in my home growing up. My opinion was nothing. I was invisible. And so, of course, in the real world, I thought, "Okay, I'm invisible. No one really cares what I have to say."
Alyssa Scolari [11:57]:
I'm going to continue to be invisible, yes.
Jennifer Burns [11:59]:
So, this is how I was. So, I now speak my mind. I say what I mean. And I mean what I say. And it is liberating and empowering. But the thing I found the most is my small little world around me. They didn't like it at all. They're like, "Whoa, who's this? Wait, you're not as soft and nurturing as you used to be." Right?
Jennifer Burns [12:27]:
I was finding my voice and speaking up for myself and setting healthy boundaries. And all of a sudden, this people, friends, family were like, "Oh no, I'm not sure I know who you are anymore." Right? So, it's been a journey for sure.
Alyssa Scolari [12:45]:
Yeah. And that in itself is again something that is so common, setting boundaries with people. When you've been living for everybody, but yourself, you tend to attract people in your life who become very used to that and almost dependent on the fact that you're always going to be there for them no matter what.
Alyssa Scolari [13:05]:
But then, you get to a point where you are no longer living for yourself. Or you're no longer living for other people. You're setting down, and people are like, "Who is that? I don't know that person. I don't really care for that person. Oh, you're doing things for yourself?" People don't like it.
Jennifer Burns [13:25]:
Yes, absolutely. I agree with that. And then, what also happens I think is they suck the life out of you by doing this, right? They literally just suck all your energy away from you. And you're so busy doing everything for them. And I had so many girlfriends that would call me. I was their counselor. I would fix everybody else's problems, but never spend the time and work on me.
Jennifer Burns [13:56]:
I had conditioned myself to be everything to everyone because that created some value in my life. It made me feel like, "See, you do matter. People do need you. They do want you." I mean, I was killing myself doing it though. I was really extending myself way too far.
Alyssa Scolari [14:17]:
Yeah, as so many, especially childhood trauma abuse survivors because we grow up thinking... we grow up with this idea that we are only worthy of love and we are only valuable so longer as we are useful to others. And the moment we are not is the moment where our intrinsic sense of worth becomes very, very shaky. Everything you're saying is... I think that so many people who are listening are going to relate because it's exactly how I felt. So many folks.
Alyssa Scolari [15:01]:
And so, for you, you discovered. How did you transform? I mean, you transformed yourself from the inside out. But then, you went on to transform your life from the inside out, your relationships with your children, your relationships with your husband. We are talking magnificent transformations, which, I mean, is incredible.
Jennifer Burns [15:26]:
Thank you.
Alyssa Scolari [15:26]:
Yeah, it's incredible in itself.
Jennifer Burns [15:29]:
It feels like it was this incredible endeavor. I appreciate you acknowledging it. Honestly, it was uncomfortable. And it was scary because I didn't really know what I was doing. And I think that us as survivors, we don't feel very confident about the choices that we make. And we do need all that external validation. We're not used to trusting ourselves.
Jennifer Burns [15:55]:
So, this is really what happened. I'm a very crafty person. I'm very creative. So, I always had an outlet like that. I used to be a wedding and event planner. I had my own wedding business for years. Oh, my God. It's amazing, amazing, amazing. But it's very fast paced. It's very last minute. You do everything in one day. It's a lot.
Jennifer Burns [16:19]:
And I was raising three kids, and I thought, "Oh, I need to do something else." But I always had to do crafts and I love to do... it was like I found that my mind could relax when I was crafting, but it would also not just relax. I call it floating into my childhood. I would float in and take little glimpses of my childhood. And then, I would float back out. I would be like, "Okay." And then, I'd float back out.
Jennifer Burns [16:51]:
I was constantly comparing, "Wow, look how good my kids have it. I'd have given anything for this kind of childhood." Right? When I would craft with them, I would teach them how to draw or paint. And it didn't matter, anything. Make flower arrangements. It just didn't matter. So, I took this to the next level. I started finger painting with my kids because I liked the way it felt in my finger.
Alyssa Scolari [17:18]:
The sensory, yes.
Jennifer Burns [17:19]:
Yes. It was way more. It was going deeper. And it was more raw and authentic. And it was just blending and it was the colors. And I was drawn to a color for a certain reason. And then, I started looking back and I thought, "Oh, these are so boring." I like that I painted that, but these are so boring. I want to embellish them somehow. And all of a sudden, I started finding different things to put on my paintings, and I found crystals.
Alyssa Scolari [17:49]:
Crystals.
Jennifer Burns [17:50]:
And I started picking up crystals and I was like, "Okay, am I crazy? I'm feeling something. What is this?" And I just got obsessed with crystals because of their energy. In certain times in my journey, I would be drawn to a different crystal because of their energy and what I was going through and my energy at the time. So, I started incorporating the two.
Jennifer Burns [18:18]:
And then, I started thinking, "Okay, how can I make these pieces permanent?" Because I didn't want to put a painting on a wall and then have it just fade over time or crystals fall off. And then, I found resin. And resin allowed me to permanently adhere the crystals to any surface. So then, I was like, "Oh my gosh." So, that's how my art came about.
Jennifer Burns [18:46]:
But as I dove into it deeper and deeper and deeper, I was not the only one being affected. I was just doing it for myself. And then, people would come over and they would see or feel something in my art and say, "Whoa, that..." and they could tell, "Wow, you were going through a dark time with that one." because I used all black obsidian. It's just Bloodstone and just different crystals that were really dark and heavy.
Jennifer Burns [19:18]:
But then, there could be this really gentle, bright pink rose quartz piece that was just pretty and soft and very loving. Right? Then people started asking me, "Well, would you make me one? And would you make me one?" And people were putting them in their homes and feeling the beautiful energy that would come off of them.
Jennifer Burns [19:41]:
Because now, I've gotten to the point as anybody in a craft, right? You learn to hone in on it a little bit more. I can work with a client now. And we can collaborate and I can set my intention in those crystals, and set it into their home. So, I can infuse them with the love and support, and strength or whatever it is they're needing and we can collaborate. And it's just a beautiful little marriage.
Alyssa Scolari [20:10]:
It's so beautiful. And I mean, I could talk about your artwork and I... for the listeners out there, Jen's website is linked in the show notes for today. When I tell you, if you've not done anything else, you need to go on, you need to look at this artwork. If you've never clicked on a link before in my show notes, let this be the one you do because-
Jennifer Burns [20:34]:
Oh, thank you.
Alyssa Scolari [20:34]:
... her artwork is beautiful. And of course, that is something which you and I will absolutely be talking about that because I do want to get a piece from you for my office. And I knew that. We were talking and I saw your work long before I even moved to this new home.
Alyssa Scolari [20:56]:
And I showed my husband and, I was like, "Listen, when we move, we need to get a piece like this for our home." So, I'm really looking forward to that. So, I have some questions for you as I know some of the listeners might because there is so much crystal hype out there.
Jennifer Burns [21:15]:
Yeah, there is. Super popular now.
Alyssa Scolari [21:18]:
It is super, super trendy right now. But I have been trying to get to the bottom of what exactly it is. And I wasn't too sure. Right? Quick story, I wasn't too sure how I felt about the whole the crystal thing as I would call it. Lots of my clients would come in, and they would be like, "I have these crystals, and this does this. Then this is supposed to do that."
Alyssa Scolari [21:50]:
And I was like, "Okay, this is really cool." Not really sure if they're more than just rocks, but they're really pretty to look at. And I have had so many clients for so many years at this point be like, "Alyssa, you need to go and buy crystals. You need to get into this. It is so healing."
Alyssa Scolari [22:11]:
So, I was working with a marketing coach who sent me... I was searching for a house at the height of this wild housing market where homes were selling for $100,000 over asking price. And we could not find a home. When we would find a home that we fell in love with, it would be within minutes or hours, that house was already off the market with an offer that was $100,000 in asking price, all cash. It was a really, really stressful time.
Alyssa Scolari [22:44]:
We could not find a place to live. And my marketing coach, her name's [Pettya 00:22:52], she sent me this crystal. I don't remember the name of it, but it was blue. It was like a turquoise.
Jennifer Burns [23:01]:
It must be amazonite or something like that.
Alyssa Scolari [23:03]:
Yeah, something like that.
Jennifer Burns [23:05]:
Maybe a blue amazonite or something, yeah.
Alyssa Scolari [23:08]:
She was like, "I really want you to take this with you when you're going to look for homes." I shit you not, I took that out with me the next day when we went to go find a home. And we found this home that I live in now. We got it for asking price. Didn't pay a dime over asking price which is unheard of in this market. And I was blown away.
Alyssa Scolari [23:38]:
And then, I was like, "Okay, there might be something to this." Fast forward a few months, a couple weeks ago, my husband and I are in this cute little village near where we live, where there's lots of shops and nice little things. And there was this crystal shop. Now, I personally had never been inside a crystal shop before. And I went in, and I felt things.
Jennifer Burns [24:02]:
That's it.
Alyssa Scolari [24:03]:
Strange. I don't even have words for it.
Jennifer Burns [24:08]:
It's a vibration and an energy.
Alyssa Scolari [24:12]:
Yes, yes. While I was in there is that I noticed I kept coming back to this specific crystal. And I couldn't understand why because there were other crystals in there that were more sparkly or whatever. But there was a specific one I was very, very drawn to. And I left and I didn't look it up or anything. There wasn't a sign about what it's supposed to do for you.
Alyssa Scolari [24:39]:
I left and we were driving home and I was like, "I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about that one crystal." And I went to go look it up. And for the last several months, I have been struggling with GI issues, hormonal regulation issues, so many health problems. I looked up what that stone is often used for, regulating hormonal imbalances, healing your GI system. And I was like, "Oh, shit."
Jennifer Burns [25:15]:
Yeah, there is something to this.
Alyssa Scolari [25:17]:
I have now entered the world.
Jennifer Burns [25:19]:
[inaudible 00:25:19].
Alyssa Scolari [25:22]:
Yes.
Jennifer Burns [25:23]:
That's awesome.
Alyssa Scolari [25:23]:
Can you please explain to us how does this process work? What is this? How can it help? Where should somebody even begin if they want to get started?
Jennifer Burns [25:36]:
Okay. So basically, think about it like this, over millions of years, thousands of years, however far back you want to go, the earth creates heat and pressure, right? And when they mine these crystals, you don't know how long they've been there, sitting there, waiting for someone to find them.
Jennifer Burns [25:59]:
And all that heat and energy and pressure creates a vibration and an energy into that crystal. So, after they mine it and they might polish it, sometimes you'll get it in a raw form or a polished form, however it is, it is going to emanate an energy. It's going to give you a vibration and an energy. And you need to cleanse your crystals. That's a whole another process.
Alyssa Scolari [26:25]:
The selenite sticks, right? Is that what people use to cleanse them?
Jennifer Burns [26:28]:
They do. Yes, selenite. You use the full moon. You can use water. Don't use water on selenite though. It'll dissolve. But other than that, yes, selenite. You can just place one nice stick of selenite within your collection of crystals. And it will actually help cleanse all your crystals.
Jennifer Burns [26:48]:
Because if you think about it like this, once you pick your crystal and you can do it exactly how you do it, just walking around, feeling what its calling to you because it's... and it'll change. You could go into that shop tomorrow and you might be drawn to a completely different crystal now because you might need a different energy source.
Jennifer Burns [27:09]:
So, once you pick your crystal and you bring it into your home, I set my intention with that crystal. I would like it to protect my home. I have obsidian by my door because it blocks negativity from coming in, things like that. I love to have rose quartz in my bathroom because it's all about self-love and self-care. Amethyst is everywhere in my house because it's basically healing. It's all about healing and calming.
Jennifer Burns [27:37]:
I mean, I have crystals everywhere as you can imagine. But once you pick a crystal, it's all about allowing yourself to hold it. But that's the other thing. People will put a gorgeous display out and never touch those crystals. It's fine. You can do that. And it will still bring in gorgeous energy into that room. But you also want to pick that crystal up, feel it. Let that transfer of energy happen.
Jennifer Burns [28:07]:
When you hold someone's hand and you feel something, the same thing happens when you pick up a crystal. Especially if it's a crystal you need, you will definitely be called to what you need. I even had picked up before we had our call today. I have about six crystals here that I know would be amazing in your life right now. I have literally pulled out some crystals. I'll tell them to you.
Alyssa Scolari [28:36]:
That's amazing.
Jennifer Burns [28:37]:
I can do it later, but this one specifically had to do with calming, healing and fertility. So, I don't know why I'm picking that up, but I am. So, just things like that. Things maybe just in the root chakra.
Alyssa Scolari [28:54]:
But you don't know why you're picking that up?
Jennifer Burns [28:58]:
Well, I know why, but I didn't want to say it out loud.
Alyssa Scolari [29:03]:
Oh, no.
Jennifer Burns [29:03]:
I mean, we've never talked about this. So, you know what I mean. I didn't want to make any assumptions over a recording. You know what I mean?
Alyssa Scolari [29:12]:
Yeah. No, that's fascinating to me because yes, I am actually seeing a surgeon tomorrow for endometriosis.
Jennifer Burns [29:21]:
Oh, wow. There you go. Now, funny story, it's not funny actually, about two years ago now, I used to take care of my aunt. And she had dementia, and she had no children. And I was the closest thing to a daughter to her, and very old school just won't talk about any of the toxicity or any of the abuse that happened in our family. You can't even talk to her about it.
Jennifer Burns [29:52]:
And her sister was one of my main abusers which was my mother. And you just couldn't talk to her about it. So, you just had to... I love her, but she was mean. And she had no filter and she would just say horrible things to me. And I was very upset by her all the time.
Jennifer Burns [30:10]:
So, jump in, I would have to take care of her because there literally was no one in the family. And I've already cut off this whole side of my family. So, this was very, very difficult for me. So, I'm going somewhere with this story. What this means is when I started taking care of her and she could still speak, and she would say awful things. And I started getting sick. I started getting sicker and sicker.
Jennifer Burns [30:42]:
I was fine. I wouldn't stand up for myself or anything because she's old and she didn't really... you're just nice like that. Right? But internally, I was getting so sick and I ended up getting sick at my other abuse point which was in my root chakra or my uterus. Right? So, I started bleeding out.
Jennifer Burns [31:07]:
I know this is a lot of information. But basically, I started hemorrhaging to the point where I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop at all. So, I had surgery and I was fine. And I went back to my aunt. And I was on the plane to go see her. I have had surgery. I'm fine now. I'm not bleeding anywhere. And I'm on the plane. And I'm about to get off the plane to go see her, and I have a complete explosion.
Alyssa Scolari [31:36]:
What?
Jennifer Burns [31:37]:
I know this is so much information. I'm a total open book, but yeah, it was really scary.
Alyssa Scolari [31:43]:
Oh, my gosh.
Jennifer Burns [31:44]:
My point is, my sickness was so deep within. I had to end up having surgery again. So, my point is, I grabbed my crystals, this, and I was new at this point with crystals. I didn't really understand the power. I got my crystals and I got crystals specifically for that area, my root chakra. Lots of red crystals, right, your carnelians, your bloodstone, moonstone, things like that. And I healed so beautifully, so quickly. And it was beautiful.
Jennifer Burns [32:25]:
Even my doctor was like, "You are doing amazing considering you just had two surgeries in two months." kind of thing. Crystals have been great for me personally. I use them in every aspect of my life. I use them every single day. Not only in my work, which I don't even consider work. I get to just have this job where I focus on me every day all day now, which is the opposite of what my life used to be.
Jennifer Burns [32:56]:
It's also ritualistic. And I think that is probably the biggest change in my life is I create my world to be so aesthetically pleasing with music, with lighting. I literally sit and I speak to my guides and I ask them to work with me daily. And I pick the crystals. And if I've collaborated with someone, I'll be pulling them in and having conversations with them and getting to know them, so that I can set the intention of this piece that's going to go in their home.
Jennifer Burns [33:32]:
And then, I sit for hours. Literally, I can spend eight hours in my studio, literally placing each and every crystal intentionally. And then, I set it in resin and it is just the most fulfilling thing I've ever done in my life. And at the end of the day, I feel so internally at peace and that is new. I've never felt at peace in my life. And this is where it's coming from now, my work. And I started therapy three months ago because I was finally-
Alyssa Scolari [34:12]:
Congratulations.
Jennifer Burns [34:12]:
Thank you. I was finally at a point in my life because of my work now that I could allow my brain to go there. And so, I started EMDR, amazing, life changing.
Alyssa Scolari [34:29]:
Amazing. That's what I've heard.
Jennifer Burns [34:31]:
Literally. I can't really explain it except it works. It literally reprograms your brain. And you don't even... you feel silly in the moment. Is this really doing something? I can't even tell you how it has cleared the cobwebs of abuse in my body. It's amazing.
Alyssa Scolari [34:54]:
It is so amazing. And for the listeners out there, if you are curious to learn more about EMDR, it is a highly effective treatment for trauma. And you actually can go back earlier on in my episodes. I had Melissa Parks, I believe her name is. I mean, she was incredible and she breaks down exactly what EMDR is. So, please feel free to go back and check that out. But yes, EMDR is phenomenal.
Alyssa Scolari [35:24]:
Because I think so much of trauma, when we look at trauma in the western culture, it's so disembodied, right? It's just like we're not looking at how trauma is stored in your body. And I think EMDR does a decent job at trying to address trauma in a way that's not just talk therapy.
Jennifer Burns [35:44]:
Exactly. Because in a way, you really have to think about a moment that you want to work on. And that is the beauty of EMDR is you deal with one particular incident at a time. And for me, it was like I was getting to the point like, "Do I have something I need to think about?"
Jennifer Burns [36:06]:
I could literally do so many particular incidences, and it is so specific. It's not scary at all. It's actually quite a soothing process. And I don't know how it works in your brain. I really would love to learn more about that part. I'm just trusting my therapist and going with it. And I listen to everything.
Alyssa Scolari [36:30]:
Requires trust.
Jennifer Burns [36:31]:
It really does. But also, 100%, you have to be so open. And you have to know that it's going to work. You have to know that it's going to get in there and fix you. And I think that is the part of therapy I was always frightened of is I thought it just still seemed so overwhelming. And I didn't know what I was going to say or what was going to come out of me.
Jennifer Burns [36:56]:
And I also felt like, "How on earth am I going to go do that? And then, go back and go do the dishes, and cook dinner and be with my children." And I couldn't do that, right, because I'm always so high, positive. And so, this has allowed me to really go there, but not feel like I can't now go back and join my life right after. It's fine.
Jennifer Burns [37:22]:
Anyway, it's a beautiful process. And so, combined with... and I've tried lots of different things, but the EMDR, my art, and literally every single day choosing to take the time, I do it like a job now. I spend time on me as if it was my job. Now, I'm lucky. And I do get to do that. I don't have to actually leave my house and go to a job, 9:00 to 5:00, but I choose me as a job right now. And it's working. It's absolutely working.
Alyssa Scolari [37:57]:
So important. Yes, I have full body chills from all the things that you've said. I think it's so fascinating. And it's so fascinating that one of the things that came to you was a crystal that's supposed to help with fertility issues. It's just oh, full body chills.
Jennifer Burns [38:19]:
Exactly.
Alyssa Scolari [38:19]:
It's wild to me.
Jennifer Burns [38:21]:
Well, I used to mentor people intuitively, but this was before people knew that word. That word's thrown around a lot now. I mean, it really is. And I would never tell anyone, "Yeah, I'm an intuitive." They'd be like, "You're a what?" That's weird. But I would just know things about people and I call it getting a download. And I would get really quiet. People don't get quiet enough. Because when you get quiet, it is amazing what comes to you.
Jennifer Burns [38:53]:
And I think us as women, and I know it happens for men too, but especially women because we do everything based off our gut, which is never wrong by the way ever. If you sit there, you will get information on anyone. I mean, especially if you're in the presence.
Alyssa Scolari [39:13]:
You just have to be open to it.
Jennifer Burns [39:14]:
You just have to be quiet and open. And also, I really believe for me personally, I had to cut people out of my life. And I had to not feel bad about it anymore. I felt guilty. I felt like I can't do that. But people didn't understand it and thought I was being mean. But you know what? You have to surround yourself with beautiful people and people that think like you.
Jennifer Burns [39:42]:
And I still struggle sometimes with the family part of it. Because when the holidays are coming, right, I'm like, "Oh, I feel this sense of obligation to show up." But you know what? I don't anymore. And I don't even feel bad anymore because it's okay. It's for me. It's all okay. And it's for me. And they're not really banging down my door anyway, right? They're not really asking. So, it's okay.
Alyssa Scolari [40:13]:
Yes, it is so okay. I've had that experience too. Thanksgiving was the first holiday that I chose to spend it with who was safe.
Jennifer Burns [40:21]:
There you go. Safe, that's it. That's the perfect word.
Alyssa Scolari [40:25]:
Yeah. I mean, it was incredible. It was just incredible. And like you said, my family didn't knock down my door. Nobody was knocking down my door. So, it was like, "Well, I went where I felt the most loved, and it ended up being really fun."
Jennifer Burns [40:42]:
Oh, see, there you go. I think as trauma survivors, we're just constantly seeking safety and that soft place. And we never trust it. We always are expecting there to be this element of uncomfortableness somewhere.
Jennifer Burns [40:57]:
And it's so beautiful to choose joy now and sit in a place like that filled with family or friends that you do love and love you and accept you. You go home and you're like, "Oh, my gosh. I actually enjoyed this. And nothing bad happened today [crosstalk 00:41:16], which is amazing." My God, what a thought.
Alyssa Scolari [41:20]:
What a dream. I know.
Jennifer Burns [41:23]:
So simple.
Alyssa Scolari [41:24]:
Yes, and a place like that comes from, just like you said, making you a full-time job and making caring for yourself a full-time job. It's a beautiful-
Jennifer Burns [41:33]:
Yeah. And it doesn't have to be forever. Just even if it's a week, a day, a month, whatever you can to sit and really self-love, self-love. You don't have to have crystals to do this. Just literally get quiet. I talk to my guides and I say, "You know what? What do you have for me today?" or, "I really need your support today. I'm having, for some reason, a very nostalgic day and I'm sad."
Jennifer Burns [42:01]:
And in fact, I was thinking about this yesterday. The Christmas music has come on our radios and which is awesome. It's my favorite time of year. And I've created beautiful holidays in our family. That is my thing is holidays. We all get so excited now.
Jennifer Burns [42:20]:
I was thinking while I was driving my daughter to school. And I thought, "Oh, my gosh. She's so excited about Christmas, and so am I." But back when I was her age, I used to dread Christmas because I was home stuck with them. Right? And I would never enjoy Christmas. It wasn't enjoyable at all. I would just be living in fear.
Jennifer Burns [42:44]:
And so, I thought how beautiful it is to turn that around. And instead of hang onto that and always hate Christmas, now, I absolutely love it. And it's my favorite. Because I think again, you have to make a choice. You have to decide that was then. That's over. And this is now. And I think a lot of people can't differentiate that and get out of that.
Alyssa Scolari [43:08]:
It's a lot of hard work. It is a lot of hard work, which is why I have the utmost respect for you. I mean, I just-
Jennifer Burns [43:16]:
Thank you.
Alyssa Scolari [43:18]:
I love talking to you.
Jennifer Burns [43:19]:
Thank you so much. Oh, I love it. This has been so fun.
Alyssa Scolari [43:23]:
It's so great talking to you. And I learned so much. I was so excited for this, to do this interview. And I know that I had to postpone and it took me a little while, but truthfully, it's amazing.
Jennifer Burns [43:38]:
Glad you're good.
Alyssa Scolari [43:38]:
The timing of the universe is impeccable because I would not have had those experiences with crystals if we had done the interview back when we initially talked about it.
Jennifer Burns [43:50]:
That's right.
Alyssa Scolari [43:52]:
So, yeah, the timing of the universe is impeccable.
Jennifer Burns [43:59]:
I remind myself every day, "I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be today."
Alyssa Scolari [44:04]:
That's exactly it. Yep, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be in this moment. Yes, that is a really important thing to remember, all of us.
Jennifer Burns [44:15]:
That's right.
Alyssa Scolari [44:16]:
Now, can you give out your website? It is going to be on the show notes. But can you just say what your website is so that people can find you?
Jennifer Burns [44:23]:
Yes, absolutely. So, it's healingartbyjen.com. And I also have an Instagram, @healingartbyjen, and it's constantly being updated. And you can also contact me through there to do commission pieces and special custom pieces for your houses.
Alyssa Scolari [44:45]:
All right, listeners, you know where that website is. Go find it. Her work is so breathtakingly beautiful.
Jennifer Burns [44:54]:
Thank you.
Alyssa Scolari [44:55]:
And I know you are in the process of writing a book. I would absolutely love to have you back on when you are promoting your book and things like that.
Jennifer Burns [45:05]:
Okay. Thank you.
Alyssa Scolari [45:07]:
So, this is not the last we will be hearing of Jen.
Jennifer Burns [45:11]:
Thank you.
Alyssa Scolari [45:11]:
And thank you so, so much for coming on the show today.
Jennifer Burns [45:13]:
Oh, thanks, Alyssa. This has been so fun.
Alyssa Scolari [45:17]:
Thanks for listening, everyone. For more information, please head over to lightaftertrauma.com, or you can also follow us on social media. On Instagram, we are @lightaftertrauma. And on Twitter, it is @lightafterpod.
Alyssa Scolari [45:34]:
Lastly, please head over to patreon.com/lightaftertrauma to support our show. We are asking for $5 a month, which is the equivalent to a cup of coffee at Starbucks. So, please head on over again. That's patreon.com/lightaftertrauma. Thank you. And we appreciate your support.